An Update - The Lies That Haunt Us

So yesterday got interesting. The one thing I couldn’t face the most was owning up to my girlfriend about how bad my debts had got. Turns out I didn’t need to, Barclaycard called when I was out playing golf to remind me that I had a late payment and she was in the house to hear the message. After some rummaging around through my letters she quickly learnt the extent of how bad they have gotten. I was swiftly called back home (in the middle of the greatest round of my life I might add) so we could hash it out.

She was mad obviously, but not really about the amount of debt but rather the fact I had been lying about it for months. She’s sticking with me though and I’m finally going to let her take control of my money until I get back on my feet.

What did I learn? I think one of the hardest parts of gambling addiction is being able to be honest with people about where we are with it. As a compulsive gambler you constantly feel like you’re struggling on your own trying to overcome your addiction. The last thing you want to do when you have just spunked hundreds or even thousands of pounds is go and tell someone what’s just happened. How can someone understand why you would do such a thing, especially when you can’t understand or rationalise your own actions.

Ultimately, keeping it all to yourself is really damaging to both your current wellbeing and your ability to start recovering. The guilt from repeatedly lying to people you care about only serves to keep you in the self-destructive cycle of gambling. It pushes you away from your loved ones and effects your relationships to the point where you become distant and withdrawn.

I feel lucky she found out sooner rather than later. I wish I had been strong enough to tell her myself, I got lucky that she found out herself (although after I was done tearing my way around the golf course would have been ideal!) and still wants to stick by me and support me. I feel better today than I have done in months. Strangely, I haven’t even thought about gambling today other than to write this. An enormous weight feels as though it has been lifted from my shoulders.

One whole week without gambling. There is still a lot of work to do and a long way to go, but every day is another victory.