Do We Feel Too Sorry for Ourselves?

Before I even get started, I think maybe that title looks a little harsh! But I have been thinking about my own problems with gambling and the effect it has had on me, as well as reading other people’s experiences on certain problem gambling forums and I think that as compulsive gamblers perhaps sometimes we do feel too sorry for ourselves.

Now, that may piss some people off and I get it. It’s definitely not intended to be an attack on people who are already having a hard time, far from it! But sometimes I think we can see ourselves too easily as victims, I have been in that mentality myself for the majority of the last year and now I have a problem with that…

Being a compulsive gambler sucks. Period. You never have any money, you have virtually zero self-respect and self-esteem, and chances are you are lying constantly to everyone who you love and care about. I think its pretty fair to say that gambling addiction is a hugely self-destructive and basically selfish affliction. I have spent months and months wallowing, feeling helpless and powerless and making no positive changes to my life as a result.  All that being said, we and we alone are responsible for our actions. Therefore, whether correctly or incorrectly (and I plan on doing some research in the coming days regarding the medical understanding of gambling addiction) I refuse to refer to my problem as being a “disease”. The reason for this is very simple. If I refer to myself as having a “disease” I become a victim. And when I become a victim, I absolve myself from all responsibility and blame and greatly diminish my ability to correct my life and move on. I mean, if I have a disease there isn’t much I can do about it right?

I recognise now that while I thought I knew what I needed to do to stop gambling, I didn’t truly want to embrace the changes that I had to make for this to become a reality. I see posts from other gamblers saying they are at they are at their wits end, they feel sick and that they’re scared and alone. I don’t for one minute belittle these emotions, I have been there and perhaps it’s a necessary part of the addiction cycle you must go through before you can start to recover. But what if we channel these powerful emotions into a positive desire to change, a determination to improve our lives? We are the drivers of our own success and ultimately, we are the only ones who turn this thing around.

I try to point out about as frequently as possible that I am no expert! I’m still very much in the early days of my recovery and have a hell of a long way to go before I start to consider myself “better”, and these are merely my opinions on gambling addiction. But the more I read, the more I research and from the journey I have been on so far, I feel as though I am gaining a far greater understanding of my problem, what I have done wrong in the past and how I can change my life moving forward.